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Dinnertime Drama

Hi everyone,

I'm curious as to how everyone deals with picky eaters and dinnertime.

I have four sons ages 9, 7, almost 4 and 1. The nine year old has in the last year finally started to eat like a champ--salads at dinner, will try everything I put there and eat what he likes and keep his opinions about anything he doesn't like to himself (unless I ask.) My 7 year old, however, is a nightmare at the table. He dissects looking for anything green, or possibly (gasp!) and onion. The four year old pretty much follows the 7 year old but I'm a little more tolerant of him due to his age.

I think I've tried everything but I know there's got to be some mom or dad out there who has an idea that I haven't tried yet. Every thing we've tried only works for a while and usually one of us ends up feeling bad before the night is over.

We've tried having them try two bites and if they still feel they don't like it they can make themselves a PB&J (I won't make it) and clean up the mess. The problem there has been that I don't really feel like they are really trying new foods. We've sent them to bed w/o dinner on many occasions because they just refuse to eat what I put down. I'm not making weird dinners here: lasagna casserole, chicken with beans, pork chops with diced tomatoes.

My gut tells me that I shouldn't be making something different for everyone just to make my picky eater happy but if the consensus is that I'm being too tough for the age, I'll back off.

I would appreciate any advice you have on making the drama stop--or at least dealt with in a loving, peaceful environment.

Lynn

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Permalink Reply by Silvia Aldredge on September 27, 2010 at 9:39am

Hi Lynn,
We have three boys 5, 7, and 9 and EXACTLY the same problems. For me it is the baby who will eat anything and the other two are so picky and frustrating. There are some strategies I have adopted to try to help ameliorate this situation.
1. I generally let them choose their own breakfast. I think this helps give them some sense of control.
2. When they went to school, I packed foods I knew they would enjoy for school lunch. I tried to use a 80/20 ratio of standards to new. More often than not the new came home, but there were victories in there too.
3. Now they are home-schooled, and I make what they ask for, but request that they come up with a consensus, that we have what they want on hand and that at least ONE vegetable is included. This is aided somewhat by a nutrition curriculum that is part of their science class. If you are homeschooling, its worth finding one, it has helped tremendously with getting them to at least understand WHY I'm serving them all these vegetables.
4. I have made some concessions over the years which are manageable for my husband and I, and do decrease the friction. Most importantly- SAUCE on the SIDE! I tend to think kids don't like food they cant clearly identify so this helps a whole lot. Divided plates are also helpful with the littler ones.
5.Try to include one thing everyone will eat with each meal. Even if it is just raw carrots or some tortillas, I know they are eating SOMETHING at dinner.
6. As often as you possibly can, set the table and sit down altogether. Make them stay at the table weather or not they eat. Say grace before and after meals.
7. Ask yourself if you are contributing to the problem. I know I was. I would yell at them and be insulted that they didn't like my cooking, and feel just awful about the whole mess. My mom was absolutely adamant that the only way to stop the dramatics was to stop responding. Cook, serve, cleanup and DO NOT respond to histrionics in any way shape or form. More difficult, but essential, is to take your ego out of it. It was hard for me to get away from feeling like they were 'doing this' to me, rather than just learning as they go.
8. NO snacks 3hours before dinner. Hungry kids are generally FAR more willing to try new foods. By the same token, kids who aren't hungry can afford to be picky.
I don't do all of these things, all of the time, but I have been able to get a very bad situation under control by most of the time sticking to my little rule.
Good luck.
Silvia
www.yumfoodblog.blogspot.com

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Permalink Reply by Lynn Frank on September 27, 2010 at 9:48am

Wow, great response! Thank you!

No, I don't homeschool. My boys go to a Catholic school that is a 35 minute drive so I make them each a breakfast and put it in their own bag and they eat in the car. Breakfasts are generally not an issue. I have some great muffins that are full of protein and fiber so I feel good about that.

I make their lunches for school each day and we worked together to come up with a four week rotating menu. Mostly, they eat everything I send them so they must be super hungry. I've been hearing about some trading going on but mostly it's for good stuff so that gives me hope.

You're right about my contribution to the dinner drama. The one thing you pointed out that I'm really stuck on is no food three hours before dinner. REALLY?! I pick them up at 3 and usually have a small snack in the car (1/2 a bagel and water, crackers and water, etc.). I have no doubt there will be some serious drama if I don't bring a snack. I think I might consider it, though, as you are right that hungry children can't really afford to be picky. At what age do you stop with the afternoon snack?

Thanks again for your comments, very helpful! :-)
Blessings,
Lynn

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Permalink Reply by Silvia Aldredge on September 27, 2010 at 4:46pm

If you are picking them up at 3 and dinner is at 6, you should be ok with the small snack. Might be worth trying just fruit or a hardboiled egg. Something nutritious but not particularly filling.
I've tried to get away from afternoon snack, but it hasn't happened. I do try to stick to fruit, veg or protein with limited carbs.
Maybe try getting them to give up the snack for lent? Obviously doesnt solve the problem today but worth trying??
Anyway, best of luck. Its an ongoing battle. I hope mine ends with relatively healthy adults, but who knows??? My mom banned all candy, sugar, chips etc. and all (6!) siblings are complete candy freaks if left to our own devices...
regards,
Silvia